Man flu epidemic hits new high

Man flu is out of control. After a few years as a joke illness stuck in news profile behind diseases such as ME man flu has broken into the main stream with the Death of an A list star in Heath Ledger. A young man stuck down his prime who I am sure was about to move to porn. These great titles you may have missed:
10 things I'd rape about you
The Brothers Rimm
Monster Balls
Brokeback Mounting
Lord of Doggystyle town
It is time for the world to take notice of this problem. It is a travesty that in as modern a world as ours young men are struck down by something that was cured years ago. So this year on March 14th I would like all of you to do something special for Executive relief day, a day when you have to grab this disease by the balls.

PS- Jake Gylenhal if you are reading this you better get yourself checked.

News

Kevin Costner turns 53 today exactly 10 years after the death of his career.
Also chess player Bobby Fischer has died today, coincidence I think not.

Cash Strapped part 1

I am a bit short of cash at the moment so I have desided to complain everywhere I go.

Animal Viagra

Does anyone know if Viagra works on all mammals? If it does it could make my next trip to sea world a lot more interesting.

Christmas

I have been busy this Christmas. I decided to base this years activity on the first advert I saw on TV. To this end I bought myself a lorry, drank a shit load of coke and then ate a midget. Not the best Christmas I have ever had, but easily not the worst.

Why I want a pet rock

I want a pet rock because:
They don't die when you go on holiday
They don't need food
They don't fuck your clothes
You don't have to to clean up their shit
They don't wake you up
and have you ever tried to bludgeon someone with a cat.

Londoners are bloody grumpy

I was on the tube the other day and it was heading towards a station called Cockfosters. At every stop it announced this as new people were getting on. The carriage was full and not one of the fuckers laughed. I giggled at every stop and laughed out loud at Picadilly. The person who though up the name obviously had a sense of humour, why don't any of you. I wanted to turn to one of them and say "don't you get it Cockfosters, it's like saying twatstella or Ballsgrolsch. It is now my favorite place I have never been, it just squeezed past Phuket.