Cash Strapped part 1

I am a bit short of cash at the moment so I have desided to complain everywhere I go.

Animal Viagra

Does anyone know if Viagra works on all mammals? If it does it could make my next trip to sea world a lot more interesting.

Christmas

I have been busy this Christmas. I decided to base this years activity on the first advert I saw on TV. To this end I bought myself a lorry, drank a shit load of coke and then ate a midget. Not the best Christmas I have ever had, but easily not the worst.

Why I want a pet rock

I want a pet rock because:
They don't die when you go on holiday
They don't need food
They don't fuck your clothes
You don't have to to clean up their shit
They don't wake you up
and have you ever tried to bludgeon someone with a cat.

Londoners are bloody grumpy

I was on the tube the other day and it was heading towards a station called Cockfosters. At every stop it announced this as new people were getting on. The carriage was full and not one of the fuckers laughed. I giggled at every stop and laughed out loud at Picadilly. The person who though up the name obviously had a sense of humour, why don't any of you. I wanted to turn to one of them and say "don't you get it Cockfosters, it's like saying twatstella or Ballsgrolsch. It is now my favorite place I have never been, it just squeezed past Phuket.